Online activism changed me from a woman who actively put down other women to one who actively uplifts them. Online activism changed me from a white woman with unchecked privilege who actively oppressed people of color to a woman who has lost friends because she tells them to shut their racist mouths. Online activism has changed me from a woman who hated her body, to a woman who realizes just how beautiful she is. No one EVER tell me online activism isn’t good for anything.
The above is so me. My gut reaction is to cringe at the phrase “online activism” but when you really think about it everything these online communities provide — free information/literature sharing, community building, consciousness raising, and the free exchange of ideas and critiques are all (more within the self, more passive) forms of activism.
One of my favorite rebuttals of some asshat saying the usual “SJ blogs don’t even do anything because it’s not in real life” was when someone said "If it wasn’t for online activism, I’d still be calling women sluts and whores."
Same for me. And now I’m a sociology major and I go to a women’s college and constantly read/think/write about intersectional feminism. So fuck anyone who thinks online social justice conversations and blogs don’t “do anything.”
What people say online IS real life. Online is just a tool, it’s just a medium of getting information across. This whole idea of “online isn’t real” is just complete BULLSHIT. As long as there are real words being written by people and read by people, it is real.
The Internet is a tool, a medium. It’s just as real as a newspaper or a book, folks.
- 19th September
- 11th September
Feminism is not about who opens the jar.
It is not about who pays for the date. It is not about who moves the couch. It is not about who kills the bugs. It is not about who cooks the dinner. It’s not even about who stays home with the kids, as long as the decision was made together, after thinking carefully about your situation and coming to an agreement that makes sense for your particular marriage and family.
It is about making sure that nobody ever has to do anything by “default” because of their gender. The stronger person should move the couch. The person who enjoys cooking more, has more time for it, and/or is better at it should do the cooking. Sometimes the stronger person is male, sometimes not. Sometimes the person who is best suited for cooking is female, sometimes not. You should do what works.
But it is also about letting people know that it is okay to change. If you’re a woman who wants to become stronger, that’s great. If you’re a man who wants to learn how to cook, that’s also great. You might start out with a relationship where the guy opens all the jars and the girl cooks all the meals, but you might find that you want to try something else. So try it.
It’s also about making people feel like it’s ok to be themselves, however that presents in their lives.
My family did the above. My father cooks, my mother does the bookkeeping. They both taught me I could do or be anything when I grew up. So I thought I didn’t have any sexist messages given to me growing up.
Boy, was I wrong.
My father taught me that emotions make you weak. And my father definitely taught me that women are emotional, and therefore being a woman is inferior to being a man.
The above is not enough. It does not encompass all of feminism. There needs to be more.
- 11th September
- 1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?
- If I'm doing it right, they feel physically about the same. But emotionally, sex is way better. Yay partners!
- 2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated.
- I don't know if I have 5 favorites. My tongue, specifically my tastebuds. (No, really, gets me hornier than anything. I am SO RIDICULOUSLY ORALLY FIXATED IT'S NOT FUNNY.) Uh... my mind. Definitely my mind. Other than that... I'm not one who just gets off on physical stimulation. I need mental with it.
- 3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated?
- Don't have one.
- 4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals?
- I know what this is supposed to mean, I think, but I'm of the scientific camp that says that orgasms happen in your genitals, even if it doesn't seem that way. Sorry folks.
- 5. Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation?
- Depends on the clitoral or vaginal stimulation. If they're doing it right, clitoral. Really, I like both.
- 6. Can you touch your clitoris directly, or does that hurt?
- Hurts. Well, not hurts but is VERY uncomfortable.
- 7. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?
- WELL acquainted? No. We're more casual friends.
- 8. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?
- Once again, depends. Giving or getting? Giving can be boring or fun, getting is usually great.
- 9. Do you like having your balls touched?
- Don't have 'em.
- 10. Do you like having your nipples touched?
- In certain ways.
- 11. Do you like having your anus touched?
- Yes. Oh boy rimjobs yay!
- 12. Have you ever been fisted (anally or vaginally)?
- Not anally, and vaginally my hips are too narrow. I've never found someone with a small enough hand to get it in. Trust me, we've tried.
- 13. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?
- Yes. More than mild, please!
- 14. Do you have any kinks?
- Heh. Yes. MANY MANY MANY.
- 15. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?
- Heh. DEFINITELY YES. Proud member of the BDSM Scene for over 9 years. Kinky since... I don't know... VERY early childhood?
- 16. Do you pee in the shower?
- 17. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?
- All the time! Like, almost every time I shower.
- 18. Have you had sex in the shower?
- Yes. (Define "sex". PiV, only once. I'm always afraid of slipping and falling. Other types, yeah, tons.)
- 19. Do you like being naked?
- 20. Do you sleep partially/fully naked?
- 21. Have you ever skinny dipped?
- 22. What's the most unusual thing you've done nude?
- Hmm. I've done tons of unusual things nude, and I've done tons of usual things that are unusual to be done nude. (Trust me, don't cook bacon naked. I've done it; it's not pretty.)
- 23. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity?
- Yes. BDSM clubs and a number of nude beaches.
- 24. Are you comfortable being seen partially/fully naked by family or friends (i.e. getting dressed, etc.)?
- Friends, yes, family, not so much.
- 25. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?
- Oh, god, yes.
- 26. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?
- Yes, as a child.
- 27. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?
- Yes, I do, actually. I am, surprisingly, very anal retentive. It's taken me a long time to even be able to #2 in public restrooms.
- #1, I've had to teach myself how to do it while being watched for partners who like piss fetishes (also for partners who like D/s & control & humiliation).
- 28. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?
- Yes, Yes, Yes.
- 29. How many sexual partners have you had?
- I was trying to figure this out the other day. If we're talking any kind of sexuality, and we talk about just casual fun at the club, I'm guessing in the 60-70 range at this point.
- 30. How often do you masturbate?
- Every few days. Although there are periods I'll do it a couple of times a day.
- 31. Age you started masturbating? How did you discover/learn about it?
- Hmm... mid-teens? Uncertain. Probably 16 or 17. I actually asked my pediatrician about it, but didn't really try it until years later.
- I accidentally discovered sexual feelings from vaginal penetration via putting a tampon in. I shoved it in nice and deep one day and I had the most CURIOUS of sensations. I actually had NO IDEA how to process them at first. The tears just streamed down my face.
- 32. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?
- Laying on my back.
- 33. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.
- Hmm. I use my Hitachi and fantasize. I close my eyes and put my Hitachi on my clitoris and focus. I apparently get very still and very quiet as I focus so hard.
- 34. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?
- I almost always end up with imagination. Sometimes I start with porn or erotica, but sometimes I just start out with my imagination. But I rarely continue to consume media as I masturbate. At some point, the computer gets dropped and I just switch to my own fantasies.
- My favorite? Masturbating to a partner dirty talking in my ear. : -D
- 35. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?
- Of course.
- 36. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?
- Oh man, I was so surprised that a person can move their penis by thinking about it. I thought it was the COOLEST, WEIRDEST thing EVER. I was like "WOAH! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!" and giggled.
- 37. Have you ever "compared" (genitals, breasts, whatever) with a friend?
- Not really. But I see lots of my parts all the time so whatever.
- 38. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?
- 39. Do you ever go commando?
- Yep. When I'm lazy.
- 40. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?
- Nope. I rarely even have sexual dreams.
- 41. How big is your penis?
- I don't want to get a ruler out to measure it. (Note: my penis is an after market model from Tantus made of silicone.)
- 42. Does your penis curve at all?
- Yes, a bit upward.
- 43. Which testicle hangs lower?
- The left one.
- 44. How big are your breasts?
- HUGE. Srlsy. Do you want like a cup measurement? At LEAST a G if not bigger.
- 45. Do you have long or short labia? Are they even or uneven?
- Majora or minora? I guess average. The minora ones are the chicken waddle type. It's kinda cool. They're reasonably even.
- 46. Do you have a particularly large or tiny clitoris?
- Particularly tiny, actually. It's barely there.
- 47. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it?
- The dick I bought is a circumsized one. You can't really find hard packs with foreskin.
- 48. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don't care?
- As per sexual attraction, don't care. I would rather they have foreskin because I care about genital integrity, but obviously I don't hold it against my partners who don't.
- My current sweetie has foreskin, though, and it's pretty big and SO MUCH FUN to play with.
- 49. What are you more into (or like more about yourself), boobs or butts?
- Oh, man, that's hard. Butts, I think. But I do love boobies. girl boobs, man boobs, other gender boobs, it's great.
- 50. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way?
- Depends on what kind of genitals. Depends on the genitals themselves.
- 51. Do you like the way your genitals look?
- 52. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?
- I don't know. I'd like to think so.
- 53. Do you like your butt?
- Meh, it's ok. It could be more round. It's big but I'm not crazy about the shape.
- 54. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?
- Usually a whole lot of nothing, but I've been trying to keep it trimmed lately, even though that hasn't been succeeding very well.
- 55. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?
- Shaved balls are kinda awesome, but I don't really care. It's their body.
- 56. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed?
- I do. I dress to the left, always.
- 57. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?
- I think genital piercings are pretty cool. I'd love to get them myself but because of the way my body is shaped, they could never heal right.
- 58. What is the quickest you've ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?
- 1 minute. Seriously.
- 59. Do you ever "edge" (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?
- I've tried a few times, with dismal results. So no.
- 60. What's the longest masturbation session you've had? Longest sex session?
- 45 mins for the first one, I think? I don't pay that much attention. Longest sex session? Does the 7 hour erotic hypnosis session I did with one of my exes count? We did have sex in there a few times.
- 61. What's the most orgasms you've had in one session (of anything)?
- Hmm... 2? 3? I don't exactly remember. (I would LOVE to learn how to be multi-orgasmic.)
- 62. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?
- I think full body? I feel it all over sorta. (I'm not paying that much attention.)
- 63. Spit or swallow?
- Usually my answer is "neither: pull off first" because semen is one of the few things that actually makes me retch. But my current sweetie's semen isn't like that for me, and I would really like to have him shoot in my mouth, but it hasn't happened yet.
- 64. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble?
- 65. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on?
- Depends. It can be hot.
- 66. Do you "squirt?"
- 67. Have you ever attempted (or succeeded) to give yourself oral?
- 68. Have you ever given/received a footjob, boobjob, etc.?
- 69. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
- Hmm. Places accessible to others that are legal to have sex, yes. Truly "public" places where sex is illegal? No, not really. One of my few hard limits, actually
- 70. Have you ever had sex in a bed/on a couch that didn't belong to either of you?
- YES! Just 2 days ago! My parents' bed! (crossed that off my bucket list!) (Sorry, Mom.) (Sorry I'm not sorry, Mom.)
- (I am sorry that the bedspread is in the hamper and we didn't have a chance to wash it. Apparently it got semen on it. But I can't tell her that. I just hope she doesn't pull it out of the hamper and put it back on the bed w/o washing it.)
- 71. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you?
- 72. How many rooms of your house/apartment/etc. have you had sex in?
- Hmm... my current house? Just my bedroom, actually. (Gotta get the housemate to go on vacation.)
- 73. Strangest/most unique place you've had sex? How about masturbated?
- Hmm. I've masturbated in cars and airplanes. Had sex? Well, the middle of my parents' lawn after dark the other night. That was kinda fucking awesome. (More bucket list.)
- 74. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?
- With anal, poop happens. That's all I'm saying.
- 75. Are you particularly "vocal" when masturbating/having sex?
- Why, yes, yes I am.
- 76. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?
- No, thank god. at least not all out.
- 77. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)?
- 78. Do you own any sex toys?
- Of course.
- 79. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?
- 80. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis (assuming the person with the penis is good at what they do)?
- Usually not, but sometimes.
- 81. What are your favorite positions?
- Missionary and doggie style.
- 82. Your most embarrassing sexual experience?
- Hmm. I honestly don't know. I think I probably blocked it out.
- 83. Worst place/time you've ever gotten a boner?
- 84. Have you ever had any genital injuries?
- 85. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?
- I suppose herpes counts. (Mine is cold sores on my mouth.)
- 86. Have you ever had a non-sexually transmitted genital infection (yeast infection, etc)?
- Yes. A few yeast infections.
- 87. If you lack a penis, have you ever tried to pee standing up?
- Yes. I'm pretty good at it.
- 88. If you lack a penis, how familiar are you with how you look down there?
- 89. Do you think you're "good" at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement?
- I'm not half bad but there's always room for improvement.
- 90. Have you "sexted" (whether through text messaging or IM chat)?
- Oh god yes.
- 91. Have you masturbated for or with someone via webcam?
- Yes. LDRs make this a necessity.
- 92. Have you have phone sex?
- 93. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.
- Uh... write my name in the snow?
- Is there anything else? I think that would keep me pretty damn busy.
- 94. What's something you like about your body?
- I like that flat place beneath my tummy above my thighs right on my hips. I just really like that spot. It's like the only flat spot on my body. It's pretty cool.
- Also I have great lips. : -)
- 95. What's something you dislike about your body?
- Hmm. That's a lot of stuff.
- It's more out of shape than I'd like. Oh, I dislike that I have lifting injuries that keep me from lifting weights. I miss lifting.
- 96. What body parts do you find the sexiest?
- BELLIES! Any part with fat on it, really. Oh man.
- 97. What was your most recent sexual thought?
- Didn't you just see me talking about bellies in the question above? ;-)
- 98. Do you ever just play with your boobs, penis, labia, etc.?
- Of course.
- 99. When was the last time you touched your genitals?
- 100. Do you often imagine people naked?
- Often? Naw. Sometimes, yes.
- 11th September
It’s never, never, never the woman’s fault. No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman. No means no. […] The one regret I have is we call it domestic violence as if it’s a domesticated cat. It is the most vicious form of violence there is, because not only the physical scars are left, the psychological scars that are left. This whole culture for so long has put the onus on the woman. What were you wearing? What did you say? What did you do to provoke? That is never the appropriate question.
Sorry, but it’s the woman’s fault if she hits/pushes/whatevers first. Women can commit domestic violence. Against other women and against men and against other genders. To act as if women are always the victim, even if we actually do start it, is actually sexist, because it basically treats women’s physical aggression as not real, as “cute” and “weak” and insignificant, instead of what it really is… a human being enacting physical violence on another human.
Otherwise, no, it’s not a woman’s fault.
- 10th September
- 4th September
- 2nd September
- 2nd September
- 2nd September
- 29th August
- 28th August
After she came up to me and said, “I’ve been with my partner for 20 years… We would never get married because he’s on social security income, and because my daughter is disabled I have secondary income from the state to support my daughter. If I got married, both my benefits and his benefits would be reduced because we would become a double income family.”
She was explaining that marriage doesn’t work for poor people, and that it doesn’t work for disabled people. Having really simple examples like hers are important.
So I remember asking my case manager when I got on disability if I got married, would it affect my SSDI? Because I was afraid of the above. She said no.
Now, I’m DEFINITELY not saying the above case isn’t true. It’s different in different circumstances, and it’s probably different if you have SSI vs. SSDI. And certainly it’s different because her daughter is disabled. But I just wanted to add another data point.
- 28th August
- 27th August
- 27th August
boys be like “YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE PAIN OF REJECTION” as if girls have never been fuckin rejected before
I wonder if the difference here is society teaches that a woman rejecting a man is a huge jab at their manliness, at their manhood?
OTOH, a woman getting rejected may be even worse, because society teaches that men always want sex and will never resist a woman, and therefore if you’re a woman getting rejected, you must truly be hideous (not just of looks, but of EVERYTHING) indeed.
*shrug* It’s just thoughts.
- 24th August