I was released today after a visit with the clinic’s psychiatrist (if you ever have the chance to see Dr. Norman Robertson, do so. He’s absolutely WONDERFUL.) Had a visit with my psychiatrist, Dr. Donesky (who’s no slouch, either. I’m quite fond of him as well). Realized how truly lucky and blessed I am to have mental health professionals that have my back and empower me to make my own psychiatric decisions and to live my own life. It’s just a great cycle of me feeling empowered so I make decisions that further empower me via working with people who think I should be empowered. Yay! Hooray for people in the mental health profession who believe in putting the power to make healthy choices for ourselves into the hands of the individual. I’m glad I get to run my own show, but with help and support when I need it. My body, my mind, my mental states, my choice!
Anyway, I’m home now, but I’m not out of the woods yet. Still not fully pleased with my mood, but I’m going to keep trying the drugs for a few more weeks and see how I do. At least I don’t have god awful side effects… I do have some side effects, but so far, they’ve been reasonably manageable.
But now’s the time when I need you all more than ever. Transitioning back to living at home and having to work on building a life worth living requires a lot of support, perhaps even more support than I did when I was in the crisis center. When I was there, I was assigned a therapist 24/7 to assist me whenever I needed assistance. It was quite the relief, not to mention quite helpful to have someone to talk to whenever I wanted, someone who I know was trained & knows what they’re talking about. But now I don’t have that support, and I know I’ll miss it, as it’s something I’ve always wanted anyway. So I really need the support of my friends. I need you all to check on me every now and then. I need you to invite me out to socialize with you, whether it’s a party or just for a cup of tea. I need to know you’re there if I need to talk or a shoulder to cry or or a hug.
I’m realizing that I can’t keep operating as I did before, not trying to “burden” anyone, because it’s part of what drove me to where I was. I have needs and it’s time I start acknowledging them and I stop hiding them from my friends & society at large. If I don’t start taking care of myself in that way, I’m going to wither again. I don’t want to wither. I want to bloom. So I’m going to take care of myself in a way to promote that. But it means being honest with who I am and my needs to my friends and it might mean having to become more distant from people who can’t accept me for who I am, for the mental illnesses I have, and for my needs.
So… yeah. That’s where I am right now and where I’m going in the future. Come with me? Be my friend?
So we’re trying to get me in at Fenton/McAulife House, but there’s just not an opening right now. So we’re gonna keep trying every day. If there isn’t an opening, I’m going to be staying at T&E through Tuesday, when I see their psychiatrist (whom I really, really like) again (I really hated the psych that’s gonna be in on Monday) and my own psychiatrist (whom I like) again and we’ll see whether I’m safe & stable enough to go home or what.
We’ve tried a mood stabilizer which, while I’m not sure how well (if at all) it’s working, it’s at least not having gawd awful side effects, and because of the kind of medication it is, the likelyhood that it would happen in the future is almost nil, so that’s good. We’re adding another antidepressant medication with it that’ll have a synergistic effect with it. Took the first dose of that a few hours ago… no bad side effects, but no positive ones yet, either. We’ll see.
I have no plans for the weekend, currently, other than video chatting with 8T tomorrow. Some plans would go well. I’d go to the Crucible, except I have to be back every night by 11, so that wouldn’t work (and I’d ask for special dispensation, but I’m pretty sure that telling them I’m heading to a kinky sexy club won’t go over well). Anyway, if you’d like to visit me (the center is in North Rockville) or take me out somewhere or whatever, I’m totally receptive to whatever plans. I can have visitors until 10 pm.
So I’ve spent some time on the T&E unit & they’re probably going to be transfering me to a better facility for cases like mine, a facility they wanted me to go to to begin with but there wasn’t a space for me at. But they’re filling out the referral forms and finding a place for me there.
So I’ll (hopefully) be at Fenton/McAulife House in Rockville (near Twinbrook Station). I have quite a bit of autonomy there, which is really what I need to feel comfortable & safe seeking help, and yet I’ll also have the help & support I need while we try different diagnoses & medication and get me stable, which is what I really need to feel safe during this quite scary time. I’ll be there for up to 10 days. I can come and go as I please, and I can have visitors (that I know of… my current facility allows & encourages visitors), so if you’d like to come and visit me, I’d love to have company. I have no idea if I’ll have Internet there or not (I hope so… no Net makes CableFlame sad… and by sad, I mean bored out of my mind), but I have my cell phone, so you can always call or text me. And to those who’ve already texted me their well wishes, thank you so much, everyone! It really does mean a lot and makes me feel supported & less alone.
My mental health has taken a turn for the worse so I’m spending a few days in a facility made to stabilize cases like mine. (Specifically the Triage & Evaluation unit @ the MoCo Crisis Center.) I’ll have limited to no access to the internet, so don’t worry if you don’t hear from me. If you want to reach me, and you know my cell number, I’ll have my cell on me.
I’ll write all about my experiences when I get back, as I think this is stuff that people should know about.
I hate the assumption that people who are trans* are born in the wrong body. That our spirits were forced into the wrong body by some accident of fate.
No. Spreading the idea of being in the wrong body propagates the misleading connection between sex and gender as well as the belief that trans* people aren’t meant to exist. Furthermore, being “born in the wrong body” discredits people who are non-binary.
Stop calling my gender an accident.
But by saying that, you’re discrediting the experiences of the trans* people who DO feel like they’re in the wrong body.
Once again, diversity is the key. SOME trans* people feel like they were born into the wrong body. Others do not. Some trans people want to just transition and “get it over with” and then just be the gender they feel they were meant to be all along. Other trans people keep trans as part of their identity & actively identify as a transwhatever. (I know some in both categories.)
And then there’s some trans* people that there isn’t a “right body” for and some trans* people that don’t really give a shit what the body they’re in looks like, gender/sex wise, they just want to be TREATED as the proper gender. (I’m in both of those categories, more the latter than the former.)
How about we all agree that there’s many ways of being trans*? And what works for 1 trans* person may or may not work for another trans* person?
just thought i should say something concerning this*shrugs*
Ok, first things first.
I know NO ONE who shaves their vagina. NO ONE. That would be shaving the inside part, and OW. I believe the phrase you’re looking for is “outer vulva & mons”. Or, if you want something more simple & slangy, you could call it a “pussy”. “Twat” even works, if you wanna get graphic with it. Fuck, even the vague “down there”.
Secondly, oh, I wasn’t aware that you were put in charge of women’s bodies. OH WAIT YOU WEREN’T. Yes, that’s right. A woman can do WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS WITH HER BODY. Because it’s whose? Oh, yes, that’s right. HERS. You own your body and get to do whatever the fuck you want with it. No one else has a right to tell you what to do with your body. That applies to EVERYONE, women, men, and folks of other genders alike. You don’t like girls with shaved heads & hair on the pussies? That’s fine. Everyone’s got tastes (including me). You don’t have to get involved with them. Go get involved with girls with the hair you like and who shave their twats. But stop acting like all the other women of the world need to get their bodies in line with YOUR tastes. (Also, shocker shocker, there are people out there that like or don’t mind shaved headed women and people out there that like or don’t care that a woman is au natural down below. Hell, it’s even some people’s FETISH. So who are you to ruin that for them? SRLSY.)
So, uh, fuck off. Yeah. (Just for this, I want to shave my head closer instead of just the 1” cut I have right now.)
And life proves, yet once again, that if we all could just accept people as they are and honor & respect diversity, the world would be a better place. God, I get tired of repeating myself.