Reblog with a screencap of your desktop. NO CLEANING.
Got the background from DeviantArt.
(Luckily there was nothing too embarrassing on the desktop, but that’s in part because I was at my mom’s all of last week & had my laptop out around her so thought it wise to put anything inappropriate into respective folders. Also luckily, there was nothing too stupid/dorky/otherwise embarrassing.)
he tells me to dream while driving in the car through Jersey the leaves coming out on the lindens along the lane
he asks me what my goals are stubble on his face if I even have any goals eyebrows furrowed and worried
I get indignant but know it’s a good question
I say something about getting mentally well As the sun goes down I mumble something about returning to college one day maybe
i don’t have any goals but i don’t want to be made to feel bad about this
my goal is living through today through tomorrow my goal is being happy one moment at a time
it sounds so noble so zen
people without mental illness without chronic depression don’t understand what it’s like to have their life stolen away by the fog in one’s head to not even conceive of dreaming because it’s simply a ludicrous proposition
I mention happiness as a goal he states that I probably have a better chance at it than his
he gives me hope for the future thoughts that maybe I could really do something I wanted
I’ve learned to stop even wanting ages ago
but there’s some part of me that knows, however that it’s never going to happen I’ll never achieve because I was never given the power to accomplish my dreams
They tell me to dream what they don’t tell me is the pain that will come with it the desperation the agony the feeling that you’re never quite good enough don’t have what it takes to achieve that dream that desire that goal
they told us we could be anything they told me that I was smart that I would do great things no one told me I didn’t have to it was expected of me
they didn’t tell me that my ADHD might hold me back that depression would engulf my days "blind my eyes & steal my dreams”
he tells me to dream wants me to think big i prefer to think little baby steps it’s more feasible and tiny steps’ll get me there as long as I keep taking them
I’m afraid I don’t want to dream big I don’t want to dream at all dreams hurt gossamer promises whispered in my ear after dark seductive but deadly
It’s a blank slate. No life. No world. No culture.
Irish, Polish, German? Culture.
Italian, Romanian, Basque, Portuguese? Culture.
Macedonian, Greek, Croatian? Culture.
I am Russian & Polish on my dad’s side, and English and Welsh with some Irish and German thrown in on my mom’s side.
I consider myself lucky & blessed because I grew up with a strong sense of my cultural heritage. I went to festivals celebrating my heritages. I ate the foods of my father’s people. I took 8 years of Eastern European (Croatian) folk dance. I listened to (and learned how to dance to) the music of my father & his father. (Chicago-style push polka. Yes, I like polka music, I can polka dance, and I am damn proud of it.)
I know who I am. And I am FAR more complex than just “white”. While that may be what I check off on forms for race, I have never thought of myself (heritage-wise) as white. Because I’m not. I’m a European mix of a number of different peoples, and I am proud of who I am and where I came from.
And I can cook some mean kielbasa, pierogies & sauerkraut. ;-)
“Fat acceptance doesn’t simply advocate in favor of fatness. Fat acceptance is also about rejecting a culture that encourages us to rage and lash out at our bodies, even to hate them, for looking a certain way. It’s about setting our own boundaries and knowing ourselves, and making smart decisions about how we live and treat ourselves, and ferociously defending the privacy of those choices. It’s about promoting the idea that anything you do with your body should come from a place of self-care and self-love, not from guilt and judgment and punishment. It’s about demanding that all bodies, no matter their appearance or age or ability, be treated with basic human respect and dignity. That’s the world I’d like to build. For all of us.”
Where’s your poly group? Man, I’m non-monogamous and looking for someone to be my primary partner (and, for this, I need someone who I’m their primary partner/doesn’t currently have a primary) and I can’t seem to find anyone. Everyone I know already has some committed partners.
Because, ya know, it’s kinda mandatory for any geek to listen to this at least once on the First of May. (Sadly, it’s raining here and my lover is in his state and, yet again, there will be no outdoor fuckin’. However, I might go sit on my patio & look @ porn on my iPod Touch in honor of the day.)