My lover and I did something last night that I find to be truly edge play. Something that takes me out of my comfort zone. I really danced on that edge of arousal and fear. He deeply enjoyed watching me there.
It was glorious.
Neither of us know if this relationship will work out, but we both agree that the sex has been out of this motherfucking world (the best either of us have ever had) and we are both EXTREMELY loath to see that part of it end.
(If you want to know what we did, just ask. I’ll tell. :-) The interesting thing is that it’s something that a lot of people do just as everyday life and it’s not edgy at ALL for them. )
characters mentioning that they have a therapy appointment
characters with reminders to eat in their phones/calendars/planners
characters using stim toys
characters asking if an event is accessible
characters using noise cancelling headphones
characters who are disabled all the time, not just when the plot “calls for it”
characters who are disabled all the time, not just when the plot “calls for it”
WORD FUCKING WORD WORD.
I have, in the past year or so, stopped hiding my psychotherapy and psychiatrist appointments from the world. If for some reason in conversation I have to bring up that I have one of those appointments at a particular time (I see a therapist 3 times a week, currently, so they do interfere with my days), instead of being “discreet” (read: closeted, passing) and saying simply “I have an appointment”, I say straight up “I have to see my therapist then” or “I have a psychiatrist appointment.”
No more closets, no more ablewashing, no more passing. The way we remove stigma is to not act like there’s anything wrong with who we are, what we’re doing… in short, it’s not to perpetuate it ourselves. If there’s nothing wrong with it, why are we acting like there’s something wrong with it? Because the other person might think there’s something wrong with it? Do you know how you convince them there isn’t? YOU ACT LIKE IT’S NO BIG FUCKING DEAL. And they SEE you acting that way. And go “oh, if she can talk about her psych appts so cavalier, I guess it’s not that big of a deal.” Or “oh, she’s cool, I didn’t know she had a therapist. Huh. I guess cool people have therapists too. Maybe it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
I write this PSA because it’s something that needs to be said: not all disabilities are visible, which means that sometimes, people with disabilities look perfectly healthy on the outside. “Invisible disabilities" actually count for 96% of all disabilities. This seems kind of mind-blowing if you don’t have experience with invisible disabilities, either personal or from a loved one. This is because we are taught from a young age that all people with disabilities use canes, wheelchairs, and other mobility devices to assist them in their daily activities.
While there certainly is a significant population of people around the world who use mobility devices (go you, you badasses with personalized wheels and canes!), there is an even larger population who don’t. This is due to many reasons, but one of the biggest, I believe, is shame. People, without the knowledge of invisible disabilities, can accidentally or intentionally shame you for using a mobility device when you look quite healthy on the outside. When I’m having a particularly low-energy, high-pain day due to the invisible disabilities fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, I have someone push me in a wheelchair. Because I’m lucky enough to have (decent) functioning in my limbs, when I get on and off of public transportation, to save time and space for other passengers (let alone deal with inaccessible transport options, such as stations that don’t have elevators or gaps small enough between the train and the platform to realistically have a wheelchair cross), I stand up, fold up my wheelchair, and have a friend take it on for me. The looks I get as I do this range from “what the hell is a healthy person doing in a wheelchair?” to “I just saw God for the first time” because the person doesn’t understand that not everyone who uses a wheelchair has no use of their legs. I write this PSA not to have your pity, but your understanding. It’s awkward to be misunderstood and even shamed for doing what’s right for me on a day when I feel sicker than usual.
Some basic tips for people with invisible disabilities:
You have the right to ask someone to give up their seat for you.
Approach someone who looks healthier than you (try not to ask someone with a mobility device or who looks sick/exhausted/overwhelmed to move, as there will be other people to ask - we have to bond together here!) and say something to the effect of, “Hi, I have a chronic pain disorder, may I take your seat?” Show gratitude, whether in words or facial expressions, to people who move for you. Some people will be jerks and not move right away. That’s okay. You have the opportunity to educate them about the fact that they are lucky not to understand you completely, but you do need the seat more than they do. This is a hard thing to do because it requires immense courage, but you will get better with practice. I promise.
You have the right to ask for any assistance you need from people who work for the transportation authority. They may give you the side-eye at first, and ask you some silly question like, “is the assistance for your grandparent?” But hold out for hope because their job is to help you. I promise.
You have the right to ask for help from anyone who passes you if you are alone and carrying bags that are too heavy for you to carry without pain. They have the right to say no, but keep asking others. Your hopes will get answered. I promise.
You have the right to get frustrated if people don’t understand you, believe you, or give you respect. While we would always love to be kind educators to the world, bringing to the public the crucial enlightenment that we have had to learn through immense pain and fatigue of the body, we are human. You are allowed to get mad. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to be frustrated. You are allowed to complain. But know that others will hear your message more if you are able to realize that they are just human as well. They don’t know what you go through on a daily basis and that makes them incredibly lucky, but still uneducated, and this is a chance to make one more person in the world knowledgable of invisible disabilities. It’s okay if you can’t reach them; all you can do is try your best. Their comments and responses have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their past experiences and knowledge, so let them slide off your back. I know that this is so much easier said than done, but it gets easier with practice. I promise.
Always remember this: you are worthy of respect and others’ belief, but your worth as a person does not come from others, from being able-bodied, or being believed. Your worth comes from being a human being. You are worthy simply because you are you. I promise.
Understand that you are privileged in ways you can’t fully comprehend until you see the perspective of someone who is not as lucky as you.
Understand that people use wheelchairs for different reasons and try not to look shocked or disgusted if someone stands up after using one. Chances are 99.9999% that they’re not faking it just so they can sit down. Trust me, it’s not that glamorous or enviable.
Certain seats on public transportation say “priority seats for people with disabilities/children/who are pregnant,” so try to occupy a different seat if you can, just in case someone with an invisible disability hasn’t yet gathered up the immense courage necessary to look into a stranger’s eyes and say “hi, I need this seat because (x, y, z).” This is the same reason for which you should not block an otherwise open seat with your bags or take up more than one seat by stretching out unnecessarily.
Give up your seat when asked, unless you are having a truly horrible health day, too.
Give the right of way to someone using a mobility device or who looks like they are having trouble walking or moving.
Assume the best of others. Always remember this: everyone is trying their best. Their best is different from yours, but that does not invalidate it.
TL;DR: Some days, people with invisible disabilities feel well enough to go without any special accommodations. For example, some days, I can hike!
Some days, however, are days when I need extra assistance because I have low energy and high pain. And that’s okay too. I’m still a person who deserves respect on those days. Not all disabilities are visible, but that doesn’t mean we deserve to feel invisible when we ask for help. Please read if you are a person with an invisible disability who struggles to ask for the help you need or if you are an able-bodied person who doesn’t want to be in the dark about this issue.
Also, remember, not all invisible disabilities are physical! Invisible disability is not always the opposite of able-bodied. There are people who are able-bodied WITH invisible disabilities. (I am one of them.) I recognized I am privileged with able-bodied-ness but I am NOT privileged in that I DO have a disability. I do not have “able-mindedness” for lack of a better term (and GOD does that one suck.)
A Extrovert Rants About Introverts' Assumptions About Us
I am getting so fucking sick and tired of the whole world treating introversion and extroversion as binaries.
IT’S A SPECTRUM. Few people are SOLELY extroverted or SOLELY introverted.
Also, introverts, you are not special fucking flowers with special conditions that only introverts can ever understand.
Guess what? Extroverts have some of these problems, too. EVERYONE NEEDS ALONE TIME. (You just need more of it.)
I can always tell when there’s an article written by introverts ABOUT introverts. They make a LOT of assumptions about extroverts… about our needs, about our desires, about how we behave, and more importantly, WHY we behave the way we do.
Honestly? Introverts? You’re fucking insulting to us when you talk about us, or when you talk about yourself in comparison to us and our motives. Because you are wrong about our motives to the point of being offensive. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, guys.
The truth is… you don’t understand extroverts. And don’t go “waaah, boo hoo, who cares, the whole world is centered around extroverts” because guess what folks? Much of geek culture? It’s not. It’s the introverts doing all the talking, and making all the assumptions, and misunderstanding us and making us look bad.
It’s QUITE clear that an introvert who doesn’t understand extroverts wrote this.
I’m an extrovert. I clearly fall on that side of the spectrum. And yet, I get a LOT of these. I really do.
I, too, need down time to recharge.
I, too, have social anxiety. (Guess what? Extroverts can actually have MORE social anxiety! Did you know that? Do you know why? Because unlike you guys, we REALLY NEED social contact and a lot of it. We NEED a lot of people to like us. And because of that, when we KNOW we’re not that good at social skills, we FREAK THE FUCK OUT because we’re terrified we’re going to alienate people and never get our batteries recharged again. Because the primary way our batteries recharge is by being social.)
I, too, dread having to talk to or hang out with my friends sometimes. I just want to be left alone.
I also have a mental illness that causes some of these to be accurate.
The truth is? I *don’t* misunderstand introverts. At least not NEARLY as much as you guys misunderstand extroverts. Do you know why? Because I run in geek culture. Because quite a few of my friends, and most of my lovers over the years have been introverts. Because my housemate is one. Because I’ve lived, laughed, and loved with you my entire adult life. And because I noticed how very different you are from me, and so I took the time to get to know you, what you need, why you need it, and why you act the way you do.
It’s a damn dirty shame YOU never took the time to understand ME. You make assumptions (that would make sense from an introvert’s PoV) and ran with them.
And I’m sick and tired of it.
I’m going to go from that article straight for my answers here.
1.) We need breaks after socializing for too long too. It’s just what consists of “too long” is VERY VERY different for us than you.
2.) Anyone can have resting bitch face, not just introverts.
3.) We have that problem sometimes but not others. Sometimes we just don’t want to hang out with the friend our friend invites over.
4.) If we’ve had a very busy social calendar during the week, we, too, might enjoy a quiet weekend at home.
5.) It’s even SCARIER for us, because we’re not used to needing down time. You all are used to it.
6.) Probably one of our greatest fears.
7.) We get that, too. At least I do. Esp. if it’s a visitor where I can’t be fully myself, like family. When people visit for a couple of days, I need some time for myself doing my own thing every day.
8.) People with various illnesses (including mental) that requires them to cancel plans get this, regardless of social orientation. I have this problem, too. And I hate it.
9.) Yes, we get that too. We, too, need personal space and time, just less of it than you, and we can get overwhelmed as well.
10.) Well, I get that because I’m usually the one who ends up doing all the work, but…
11.) I have this problem too. If my mental illness acts up, I just want to go home. And people don’t get it. (Except they often times DO because a lot of those folks are either introverts or have mental illness themselves.)
12.) I have to admit, this one does not apply to me. But I’m sure it applies to some others. (The bottom comment does though.)
13.) THE COMMENT IS OFFENSIVE. It assumes that what we have to say isn’t important. Check yourself. (Also there are quiet extroverts. I’m not one of them.)
14.) Once again, extroverts can have bitch face.
15.) I have this one COMPLETELY. I actually get it more when someone IMs me and I don’t feel like chatting, and that’s like ALL THE TIME. It’s like “fucking send an email, folks, so I can talk to you when I fucking feel like it.”
16.) I’ve been that friend. I’ve had that friend. I don’t get appropriate hanging out boundaries because of my mental illness. And I hate asking because I’m afraid *I’M* the one who’s the social fuckup.
17.) Uh, that’s called being 30. The older you get, the more wiped out that awesome night out makes you.
18.) I don’t have the main problem, but I get the comment on the picture.
19.) I have this problem in spades. It’s part of my mental illness.
20.) Uh, that’s not just introverts but also people with ADD/ADHD, etc. I’m an extrovert with ADHD. If others are talking, I can’t work. That’s SERIOUSLY not just introverts.
21.) Happens often with ADD, not just introverts
22.) That happens too. Sometimes you just want to read on the bus or in the park alone.
23.) I have to admit, that one isn’t me. I’ll give you that one.
24.) That happens to me ALL THE TIME.
25.) I don’t do well in big crowds where I don’t feel comfortable. Guess what? Not every extrovert feels comfortable in large, random crowds. Sometimes I feel VERY socially anxious and shy in them.
26.) Happens to me at times. (Actually, like right now. :-) )
27.) Extroverts also need to not talk to anyone for a while sometimes. And that’s ok.
So of all of these, I think I answered *2* as unique to introverts. (And I just don’t see like half of these even happening. Is that because I run in geek & alternative cultures vs. standard culture? Cultures of understanding and consent and awareness?)
So guess what, intros? You’re not as different as you think you are. So why not trying to get to know what it’s like to be an extrovert, huh? Maybe you’ll offend us less and understand us better and we all can get along better.
Why not start with these articles? You’ll also see some of the ways that introverts are offensive about what they think about us.
All that being said, we do love you, we’re just tired of you saying and thinking and assuming stuff about us that’s actually really hurtful. We’ve taken the time to get to know you and how to understand and take care of you. Won’t you please do the same?
“It’s difficult to tease out all the complicated interactions between mental illness, mental health, and happiness, and of course it varies for different people. In my experience–which includes my personal experience, my interactions with friends and partners, and my studies and clinical experience, here it is in a nutshell: untreated/unmanaged mental illness makes happiness virtually impossible to achieve. Treating or managing your mental illness, whether through medication, talk therapy, or personal lifehacking, helps make happiness possible to achieve. But the work of achieving it is still yours to do. No drug or therapist can just give you happiness.
And most people with mental illnesses realize this. I haven’t met anyone who was just like “I wanna go to the psychiatrist and get a pill and just be happy always forever.” Most of us just want to stop crying all the time, or stop having panic attacks whenever we need to interact with new people, or stop having intrusive and scary thoughts of killing ourselves, or stop lying awake for hours each night because we can’t stop imagining all the bad things that could happen to us.
“Happiness” is the cherry on the sundae of mental health. You need to put the ice cream and the syrup and the whipped cream in the cup first.”—
Yesterday in one of my classes I got a student to come up and scribe on the board
And he was very careful about how he wrote on the board, like, making sure his handwriting was neat
And one of the students was like ‘LOL OCD’
And all of the students starting cracking up, so I was like
‘HAHAHAHA MENTAL ILLNESS IS SO FUNNY’
And everyone fell silent
yeah that’s what I thought
I love teachers on tumblr
Thank you so much, writeroost. :-) (otoh, we must also be careful that we don’t also teach that mental illness is always bad and sad and depressing and to be eradicated at all costs. It’s an everyday part of people’s lives, and some parts of it can have positive parts, and sometimes we need levity around our selves and our lives. Obviously, it’s always up to the individual to choose how we want others to view ours, and how we feel about ours, and oh, god, so complex, how are we going to convey this to fully grown adults, let alone young people… yeah. No, I get it, and thank you, but I also wanted to put some more mindset and introspection behind it.)
n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.”—
! Articulated so well ! For as long as I can remember ive felt like I didn’t belong. Like I wasnt built for this world. Those of us with bpd are often chronic outsiders. We know we’re different . It’s as if we are programmed with another set of beliefs that do not conform to the rules of human society. (via bananas-ooo)
WORD. I’m always the misfit even amongst the misfits. (And, yes, I too have BPD.)
They can’t harm you as long as you carry on as you normally would
They are not “hackers” or some shit even though they like to think so
The more attention you give them the more hyped they’ll get
TL;DR Don’t feed the trolls
Do me a favour and signal boost this
So here’s my issue.
"Don’t feed the trolls" sounds a lot like the same victim-blaming shit I got in HS for the verbal abuse I received. I was told "they’re just trying to get a rise out of you. If you didn’t react, they wouldn’t pick on you."
Everyone has a right to not be trolled, the same way everyone has a right to not be verbally abused. Because it’s the SAME DAMN THING, only sometimes more sneaky and clever.
Trolling = verbal abuse, trolls = bullies, and the sooner we start treating it that way and taking it seriously, the better off we’ll be.
Today, I read an article about a woman with HIV who was raped. The man that attacked her is now HIV positive. All of the commentary surround this was about how she should have told him she was HIV+ and that women with HIV should have a badge or special underwear so that this doesn’t happen to another man. It is 12:12am and I am already done with the world.
That is rape culture
THIS POST WINS FOR THE MOST HORRIFYING THING I’VE READ ALL DAY